Escaping the world..

I'm confused.

Yes, I really confused. The way you treat me, I thought it will be a little bit different from others. Okay, I'm wrong. I'm just same with others.

I forced myself to accept this fact. And it wasted plenty of time. I can't really concentrate in class and focus on my studies. The image of you and the other girls kept on popping out and flashing in my mind. It's just too irritating. But cant get rid of it.

So many people appeared in my contact list, but I don't know who should I share to. The feeling towards you, I can only keep it myself. Do you know how badly is it? Sigh..

When it comes to problems, I'm forced to decide myself. So, now I decided to be just a true friend with you. It makes me tired to keep on guessing what will be my status in your mind. It's okay. Not too hard. Just have to keep on brain-washing my mind and hypnosis myself saying that I'm not your cup of tea. Yeah, how ridiculous I am!

I'm no longer be myself. Yes, you changed me. And I don't even know how to change myself back anymore. Such a silly thing.

You wouldn't know the feeling of waiting for you in front of the computer in the middle of the night.

You wouldn't know I purposely drag until so late just for chatting with you. It doesn't matter although my dark circles are getting serious.

You wouldn't know how I feel when I saw you and your girl-friends together.

You wouldn't know how eager am I to listen to your explanations.

You wouldn't know how frustrated am I when I realized I do not have the right to ask for your explanations.

You wouldn't know how hard am I trying to convince myself not to think ANYthing about you.

You wouldn't know how hard am I trying to be happy and pretending like it didn't happen anything in front of you.

Yes, you wouldn't know these things and I won't let you know, ever.

Yes, we shouldn't be so close.

Yes, I shouldn't make things become messy. Stay the same as it is. That will be our best solution.

Yes, I shouldn't waste my time on a person whose heart is not be with me.

Yes, I should have knew that I am not better than others.

What I want is just be an ordinary girl, living in an ordinary life with my special one. Why on earth is it so hard for me to have such life?

Why should I get mad on this kinda things while my exams are just around the corner?!

Such a stupid and ridiculous me. I hate myself.

-So wish I could be in anywhere else but not in Malacca facing my notes, assignments, midterms, activities and U!!-

-wish to travel so badly.. >.< -