Just.. feeling so upset when you are not understand me as well as my situation yet you still said something that made me feel even sad.

Pretty stress these couple of weeks. Lying on the bed and feel like doing nothing at home. Mind blanked. Anti-social. Don't feel like eating. Sigh.. Why am I so depressed these few weeks? Can't even motivate myself to attend classes and do tutorials. Update myself today, realised that I have missed out a lot. Tonnes of them. Finals are just around the corner. I wonder if I can pass my finals with flying colours. Started to doubt on myself. Especially when the midterm results popped up to show me that I'm not really putting effort into them.What to do. Should I blame on the lecturers? Lolz. Okay Okay. I know I'm finding excuses for myself. But those lecturers are too picky. Following schemes, requiring good english. Sigh.. =(

Feel like crying out loudly. Hearsay tear drops contain unhealthy chemicals. So if we cry those unhealthy chemicals will follow the tear drops and release out from our body. It will help to restore positive energy for us. Good wat.. That means I can cry always? Lolz. Apparently that's not my style. But my head is going to burst. Should have start my revision right now. Yet I'm so lazy to open my book and sit there. That's a killing action.

Everything comes to me. So headache to solve them. Can I just leave it?
Where to have my practical training?
What kinda firm should I enter?
This question has been stuck in my head for like years.
From now on, I just want to find a small or medium firm which I can stay happily, at least wont be busy like mad, for my 6 months training.
Before that, let's pray for my flying colours final results~ XD

Finally I'm free from my midterms, temporarily. Have tonnes of assignments waiting for me. Deadlines are all near to each other. *Headache*

Somehow I managed to squeeze out a little time for my lovely blog. I've been abandoned my blog for months. *Regretful*

There are something that I wish to share. Hope you all wont be offended, it's just my opinions and comments.

First thing first, Love.

I always feel happy and grateful when I see couples are having their relationship in a peaceful condition, as in both parties' family members are not objecting them to be together. It will definitely be difficult, when one party's parents are not supporting the relationship. Recently, my bestie is in a bad condition. She is not having confidence on herself. This will in fact worsen the situation.

And the topic for today -- Outlook

Does outlook mean a lot to a couple? Is outlook an important factor in choosing your partner? I'm wondering. Everyone, including you and me, will change. People will be getting older and older. Their look will change, it is an undeniable fact. If we know this, why must we choose a handsome/ pretty boyfriend/ girlfriend? We will all be the same after 30 years. Handsome boyfriend makes you proud? If this so, are you choosing a boyfriend or treating your boyfriend as your showing off's tool? Outlook isn't that important. The most important thing is does he love you? I have a lot of friends who put their first requirement for boyfriend as having a good looking. What I can say is, korean drama affected them a lot.

Another topic for love -- Richness

Once again, richness is an important factor in choosing boyfriend? This is not applicable for choosing girlfriend, by the way. If you are considering this factor in choosing girlfriend, sorry, I will be deleting you from my friend list. Back to our topic, richness. I can understand that some parents will consider this as an important factor. Let's imagine ourselves as parents. I will definitely want my daughter to have a boyfriend who can take care of her for the rest of her life. Deep into this, the boyfriend himself has to have at least a moderate richness. How am I not worrying if my daughter's boyfriend cant even take care of himself? Richness, in this 21st century, indirectly means, certificate. Most of the parents, would like their daughters to find a boyfriend with at least same level of education as their daughters. Here comes the problem, they will indirectly oppose their daughters to have a boyfriend with only SPM certificate while their daughters will be having degree certificate after years. I have seen many cases in which their parents are indirectly opposing the little couples with an excuse that the boyfriend cant take care of their daughters. In my opinion, I will not really consider this factor --  richness. As long as he has his motivation to earn money, I will not consider whether he has a rich background or whatsoever. However, those boyfriend with only SPM certificate, I will encourage them to learn some technical skills such as repairing cars, repairing air-cond and so on. So that they can have their own business when they really learnt good skills in their field.

Topic 3: Trust and Confess

I always encourage couples to trust each other and confess everything among each other.

• Please don't let problems to stay overnight. You do not have beds for the problems to sleep overnight with you. So please settle as soon as possible. I read from a blogger. She is not trusting her own husband and always suspecting him to have affairs with other girls. Guys hate it when their girlfriend or wife do not trust them. Who will like it? I hate it as well. 

• Do not do things that you will hate your partner do the same thing to you. For example, you hate your boyfriend to eat lunch with other girls, alone. If you hate it, then you mustn't eat lunch with other guys alone as well. Be fair to both parties. 

• Do not hide problems. Settle them as soon as possible. I have a friend, she likes to hide problems that she doesn't want to face. Problems, are like snow balls, they will roll bigger and bigger. That will just worsen you both's situation. No matter how dislike you want to solve the problems, please face them, bravely.

• Do trust your partner. Trust is hard to be built but easy to destroy. So, when you trust your partner, at the same moment, you should behave good, so that your partner can trust you as well. It is hard to trust people, I understand. But, try your best. 

• Do confess everything to your partner. If you start to suspect him, tell him. Ask for explanations. Let him know that his actions are seriously making you suspect him. Tell him everything, he is willing to be your listener. Tell him when you hate others, happy with a little matter or even complain to him. He is just a human, we are all human, so please don't expect him to have ability like Edward Cullen who can read people's mind. So don't expect he will know every single thing that you think.

• Change those attitudes that you know will cause problems. Examples, hot tempered. Don't expect he will stand for your temper after few years. He can stand for your temper now doesn't mean he is able to stand the same temper in the future. So, change to be better person.

• Past things just let them passed. Do not tell again and again every time you argue with your partner. This is a serious common mistake done by most of the couples. Things that settled, let them be. If you are unhappy with the things, voice out your opinions. Do not keep inside heart.

Okay, I know it's kinda boring to read about this. Let's change topic to -- Pets

I hate till the max, when I saw those owners keep their pets inside the cage for years!!! How can they treat those little animals like this? Dogs, for example, are not rearing to keep inside the cage. They like to move around. If you don't like your pets to move around, what for you rear them?! I'm freaking sad, when I saw the dog rear beside my house, is kept inside the cage by its owner. This dog is forced to eat its own shit because it cant get sufficient vitamins from its food. During Chinese New Year, kids were all playing fireworks happily. This little pity dog was kept inside the cage and put behind the kitchen, lonely. The sound of fireworks were threatening. This pity dog was barking for the whole night due to fear. Somehow, I hope this dog can be rest in peace, rather than being indirectly abused by its owner. On the other hand, I have a neighbour, he likes dog very much. I will be very happy as I can see him brings his dogs to have a walk in the neighbourhood. How warm~ Those assh*le who BURNT dogs and cats, forced their dogs to stand with rare legs only, I totally cant understand why on Earth are these people could live so long. How can they abuse dogs and cats? They are too, having lives, like us. So, take your responsibility, when you decided to rear a pet!

Sad things over, let's change to the other point of view -- Politics

As a Malaysian, I seriously urge people to know more about what's happening in this world, in our country. Some people might said I'm a little too aggressive. It's so important to know about the politics, although we cant help much in it. People, at least, pay a little bit of attention in politics, there's no excuse for this. It wont be pulling you to death if you watch less 15 minutes of drama. If we, as a new generation, know nothing about the politics, this country might be going to the end. Please don't ignore what's happening around you. We are adult, we are going to have a right to determine what life we want. Yet, I knew that, people will just don't understand what's the importance. And I'm freaking lazy to explain again and again. 

I know my speech will be offensive to others. Whatever~ 

I just voice out what I am thinking. 

Such a lonely night, tonight. Being alone at home can be either good or bad. Sometimes it does really good to be alone at home as you can tidy up your messy thinkings. Somehow, I don't really like to be alone at home, especially when I'm in my hometown. I guess nobody will like so, isn't it?

My parents went out to sing k with their friends tonight. I cant be so selfish to make them always stick together with me. They need their entertainment as well. They need to social with friends especially in their age now. You are not with me, tonight. Waiting your message is so torturing. Yet, I'm so stubborn, trying not to contact you first unless you contact me. How childish!

I guess all couples in relationship, especially girls, will do so~ Lolz..

Tomorrow you are going to do a lot of things, from early in the morning, maybe will be until late night. Hoping you to sleep as much as you can tonight. Yet, you just being so playful and play with your friends, until now~!! Don't you know that you must get up early morning to do important things tomorrow? I totally speechless.

I agree, loneliness will make people think too much, especially those negative thoughts. Sigh. Can't really control myself to think so much. Sometimes, will just think of giving up. But, I know this is definitely a ridiculous thinking. @.@"

Now, only I realized that, I cant be alone in a long period. I cant deal well with loneliness. Hoping to have someone beside me. Seriously hoping a shoulder. Sigh..

Another thing that makes me so sad today is, I cant fit in my gown!! What the hell! Too fat to fit into the gown. I cry out loudly~! This makes me can only choose the other one. I didn't know that actually I'm becoming fatter recently. T_T My parents' fault that always trying to influence me that I'm thin. Cant really believe in what they say nowadays.

2 more weeks to go to prom night. Can I be success if I start to keep fit from now? Guess the impact will not be too large. Haha~! Whatever. No supper from this moment!! T_T


~At this lonely night, who will be the one by my side?~
~Yeah, my patrick.. T_T~

Just don't feel like controlling my own emotions!! I guess it's because of the medicines. So what?! I just like it!

Calm myself down, I realized that actually I was in a out-of-control mode these few days. Pity my dear, has to be patient all the while to make me eat those disgusting medicines, as well as a sudden anger towards him. Lolz~ So what, I just don't want to control!!

I don't like to be a so-called "leader" in a gang. As everyone knows, this kinda "leader" is the one who always let others push-to-death. Good things are not giving to "leader" but those bad things are all being pushed away to "leader". This kinda people will always be the speaker in a gang.

I know, it's just a small matter. But I just cant control myself to hate this!! So damn many people's name to put but why on earth are you wanted to put my name?! I nearly loss of control to scream and scold out loudly!!

I guess next time onwards I will try to be silent all the while! Being speaker in a team is not good at all! Yet, I cant tahan to see everyone is in silent mode like no one's business when we are in a discussion. What's the meaning to have discussion if everyone is in silent?

I know.. I know.. I'm always the one cant be so patient to wait for the others to speak first. What a bad habit! I wish to change this habit since a long long long time ago. Guess what? It fails! All the while it can be!

Should have take a cold bath to calm myself down! It's a stupid action to angry with something minor.  Should have pamper myself more as I'm no longer young. Lolz~

Prom night, a party that I wish to attend since long time ago. And this time I have the chance to attend, yet my lovely partner is having his mid term exam during that day. Exactly at night! What a sad thing! He consoled me by saying that he will email lecturer to change the date. God knows whether he is truthfully to promise me. I don't feel like seeking out the truth. But seriously, I don't have the mood to attend anymore. Once, I have a sudden to inform everyone about my absence. But I cant. sigh.. God knows how sad am I.

~Feel like travelling around.. I know it's the time for me to escape from the world~

What a sad thing to share~

U're not listen to me again. What I was trying to tell you is just for ur awareness. Yet, you seem to doubt my words although you claimed yourself for not doing so. I'm sad. It's even worse when you explained your family to me. This is nothing but to show your doubtful towards me.

Sorry for being such a busy body. I will not do so again.

Hmm.. Will be feeling super duper upset and depress once I recall that you are not celebrating Christmas with me!! *cry out loudly*  =(

This is our first Christmas and it does mean a lot to me, don't you know that? Yet, I know. I cant be that childish although I'm so strongly wanting you to celebrate with me. It's your best friend's birthday. And yet, your gang is so eagerly to celebrate birthday for him on that day!! This makes me so frustrated!

What kinda feeling will I have when I'm celebrating this day alone? hmm.. getting used to those days with you by my side. And now the consequence is that, I feel uneasy without you. Okay, fine. *fed up* All other couples used to have a memorable and enjoyable first Christmas after being together, but I have to stay alone and look all those couples rounding me. >.<

Okay, finish my complaining.

Kinda happy as well, for this celebration as we had decided to buy a couple shirt for our Christmas gift. ^^ You won't know how happy was I as I had dreamed to have our own couple shirt since long time ago, just dare not to tell you. You should know the reason, it's because I had been asked you in one afternoon and you said you want to be low profile. So, couple shirt this kinda high profile action, you will not do it~! That's why I keep my mouth silent for requesting so. Anyway, thank you pi~

Going to have a Dong Zhi celebration + Christmas gift-giving celebration + Wey Seng's birthday celebration with friends on this Wednesday~ So excited for this coming day.First time to celebrate Dong Zhi with friends. It will definitely another enjoyable and memorable day! Everybody has been requested to prepare a gift by his or her own. Then we will randomly choose present to be given out to each person. Of course, we will not be giving the present to the person who bought it. What I hope is that they will not prepare those "swt" presents for us. I guess my face will be kinda emo if I receive those guys' presents. Lolz! Hope it will not be happened~

Sigh.. my face is not recovering from acne problem. I'm just getting more disappointed on those products nowadays. Every single step I have been followed. Yet, my face is still in such a terrible condition. I can see that my face was better last week but don't know why it became terrible this week. Can you imagine my feelings when I take photos? So many red dots on my face~!!!! In my age, it should be the most beautiful moment for a girl!! Yet my face destroys all my moments!! *super duper depress*
Those salesgirls keep recommending products to me. I just don't know whether I should show them a smile or angry face. I'm just an ordinary girl, I also want to be pretty like what other girls do.T_T
My face destroyed my confidence. It will then slowly destroy my smiley, I guess.
Looking at the products that I used, makes me even more depressed.

Reminder for myself:

• drink A LOT OF water!!
• SLEEP EARLY!!
• NO FRIED FOOD!!

pipi, help me!! =(

"Getting used to"

This phrase in fact makes me trembling. I'm particularly scared of getting used of something. As I know me myself would not want to change easily if I had get used to something. I hate changing. That's why I'm wondering how could I survive in this changing world. LOLZ~

Well, I'm getting used to the life with you. This somehow makes me feel uneasy in a world that without you, cant see you everyday, cant listen to your voice everyday and everything must be done by my own.All these facts make me realized that I'm relying on you more than what I've thought. Hope you wont think your little girl is not independent enough.

When the days are cold, God knows how badly I miss you. You always warmer than me, don't you know that you are my little oven? ^^ I hurt my wrist, I guess. It's so painful when I was trying to use energy. You wasn't here, with me. It wakes me up, for relying on myself when you are not around. My heart suddenly gets colder. Sigh.. I'm missing you, although you are just left for 2 days. Miss those days when you fetch me out and have meals with me. Yet, you seem to be so busy, until we have not more than 10 messages a day. Once again, my heart feels colder. What I can do is to hug my little patrick dogs. They are always loyal to me.

Once again, you are considering whether to follow my family going to Penang. I had decided for you that you don't need to follow. I'm scare. Yes, I'm scare. Scare that I will listen "No" from you. That's why I had decided for you. I don't want to give myself any hope as I know I will be very disappointed if you reject. Yet, you do not know my purpose for doing so and insist to decide yourself. I'm wondering, do you like my family? Just wanted to let you know that I will definitely put my family on the highest position in my heart. No one can change it, neither you. As usual, I cant win in any argument. Sometimes, I will wonder if you are listening to me. Hearing and listening are two different words. Hearing is an action that you just hear but do not get what people want to tell. Listening is an action that you can get what they wanted to express. So, you hear me, but didn't listen to me. Don't you? How hard I was trying to tell you but you will cut off my points sometimes. Am I that useless in giving opinions or expressing myself? This in fact depressed me and I do not feel like expressing myself sometimes.
*Such a gray feeling now*

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I can now officially declare my holiday to everyone~! Yes, finally I'm free from all those troublesome, at least for one week.Though, I still have to get my assignments done within this week. Sigh.