11/8/2010 (Wednesday) unhappy night

Today was a holiday in Malacca, first day of Ramadhan. I went back hometown with my bro and his girlfriend, supposedly to celebrate my dad's birthday, yesterday.

First day of Ghost Month, it is strongly not encouraged to have any type of celebration. Plus, my parents only arrived at home about 2am. So, ended up we didn't celebrate for my dad. Just a simply face-showing section. >.<"
Planned to celebrate today. But ended up was just a simply dinner.
I'm wondering. What is the purpose I went back my hometown? It's tiring after all.

Recently, I started to fed up with my life. Sigh. again, I'm having this feeling. So don't feel like living in this kinda life anymore. Hope I can just have my great escape. There are few promotions offered by AirAsia. Just feel like travelling, escaping from all the headache situations.
I started to be autism and anti-social. Facing computer all the while isn't a good thing. =.="
Someday, I will surely escape from this world, without anyone's notice. That should be a great thing I think.

I knew the situation, yes, I understand. It's just couldn't convince myself. I thought I had balanced myself. But in fact it didn't. After all I'm just so stingy and not generous enough. Sigh.. how immature I am.
I know, they thought it's unnecessary to text and ask me out for dinner as I was not in Malacca. If for me, I will just do the same thing as they did. But I just.. ... just feeling so upset when I didn't get informed by them. Gosh! What am I doing. I shouldn't be this. I know that, I understand that!! Just can't accept that.
I was trying so hard to convince myself, brainwashing myself. I'm getting mad. I tried not to care about it. Yet, it is just keep appearing in my mind and reminding me. *cry out loud*

One thing, I'm confused. Friends in need are friends indeed. Yet, I observed that my friends will look for me only when they need me. Between us, is it nothing but just benefits? I started to doubt.


~It is my second time, for not replying your message. Sorry, I just need some time to balance myself. Leave me alone~