15/8/2010 (Sunday) Mixed feeling's night

I officially failed myself. No cure at all for myself, just simply wait for die will do.

Fine, just continue some topics that i had forgotten to write yesterday.
I had played Tarot cards. Asked some questions, for me and my friends, of course, couldn't less your part.
The question I had asked, how will it be for our relationship?
Card chosen: The Devil.
I totally helpless for this card. It is just clearly defined what will be happened between us. Pretty fine huh.. Ya, I did know that.
Yesterday, chat for 15hours. We had broke our records. It actually can drag longer. But I had just nearly lost of control while u had said something, requested to know something. Something that i wouldn't want to let u know, and didn't want u to know.
Sorry for being impolite, in the way i speech.

Once, I thought the most happiest thing in this world will be, your message just appeared  when i was hesitate whether I should be more active to chat with u.
That kinda happiness, is just indescribable by all means.

However, u lied. Although it was a small matter, I just can't get through it when I found out that u lied. I hate the feeling of doubt, either doubt others, or being doubt by others. Because this is an act of  mistrust. It will affect any type of relationship. I had to be hardly convinced by myself. Glad that u still can be honest and confessed what u had lied. Maybe I am just too tired, or too disappointed, I felt I had no energy to keep my image and be happy in front of u. Just too lazy to listen and reply all ur things.



~need some time to relax my mind~